


the flower thief

by ultyoungjaechoi



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Cemetery, Gay, Happy Ending, Kissing, Lots of Crying, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Read at Your Own Risk, Sad Ending, also unedited, angsty, changbin keeps a garden, changlix, felix is really dramatic, hyunjin and felix are bffs, kind of cute, kind of rlly sad, kpop, might need tissues maybe idk, pls keep in mind that felix is super sensitive and rllllyyyy dramatic, read to find out, stray kids - Freeform, summer time, which is it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 07:13:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15658344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultyoungjaechoi/pseuds/ultyoungjaechoi
Summary: "so, flower thief, where are we going?" changbin looked ahead of him, not even sparing felix a glance."i have a name, you know.” felix suddenly said, after this whole time of being quiet. changbin smirked, "yeah, and it's flower thief."





	the flower thief

**Author's Note:**

> this took a month to write!! the longest story i've written tbh....i rlly hope everyone enjoys this!! i've worked really hard on this story and it has to be my favorite i've ever written. enjoy!! omg also i didn't edit this lol its 6:30 am

yet another day changbin wakes up to find more of his precious flowers from his garden, stolen. everyday he wakes up to find at least one or two flowers picked out and gone. some days there weren't any missing, but most of the time they were. 

when he went out to water his flowers, in only grey sweatpants, because rarely anyone is on his street at 10am, he noticed two more were gone. he cursed under his breath as he crouched down and ran his fingers over the broken, dead stems.

the warm breeze gently brushed against changbin's bare back, making him feel less angry. warm and comfortable weather like this always made him calm. it was either warm breezy days or dark rainy days. they both made him feel comfortable. 

he gently ripped out the dead stems and threw them in the compose bin after he finished watering the rest of his garden. 

the next morning, changbin woke up specifically early so he could catch the flower thief. this time he wore a black hoodie and black fitted sweatpants. he was drinking two day old monster to keep him awake as he secretly spied outside his front window. 

he was waiting for the flower thief. it was still early morning, so the sun has barely risen. sun rise is at 5:21am, and he set an alarm for 5. he did not want to miss his thief. 

changbin even went outside for a split second (having a fear of the dark) to see if the amount of flowers stayed the same from when he last counted. now it's 5:30, and he can see the dew on his freshly trimmed green grass. 

all of this garden work totally seems out of changbin's liking zone, he looks to cold and, well, emo, to have such a passion for gardening. plus, he's barely 19. but he lives with his parents, who are currently out of town. to be fair, they always are. 

it's surprising, it is, but nonetheless changbin loves it. he works very hard on his garden, and the fact that someone thinks they have a right to pluck his flowers whenever they feel pisses him off. he's sure to teach the flower thief a lesson once he catches them.

today was changbin's lucky day, because he spotted a boy walking into his yard. not to mention he was wearing a grey hoodie with the hood over his head, and light denim (ripped) skinny jeans. changbin always likes to make a mental note of what anyone is wearing.

he quickly got up from his spot and stepped out to the porch, making the boy freeze in his steps. changbin only was seeing the back of his head--hood.

"caught ya," he said, his voice cold and raspy. he doesn't want to seem angry, but, no, he is very angry.

"what right do you think you have to steal my flowers like this? i work hard on these." 

the boy hasn't turned around yet, he hasn't made a single move. he didn't even flinch when changbin started speaking.

"hey, you little bastard! turn around!" changbin's arms dropped to his side as he raised his voice. he was getting more pissed off since the flower thief was ignoring him. 

his eyebrows were furrowed as he waited for him to turn. and when he did, it was a face he wasn't expecting. 

someone he knew? no, of course not, changbin hardly knows anyone. but it wasn't an old, wrinkly face. it wasn't a serial killer looking kind of face. it was just, a completely innocent face. minus the look of guilt he is radiating. 

maybe he was just expecting a tatted gangster.

"hey, whats your name, anyways? hey! i'm talking to you!" 

changbin didn't want to wait for an answer but luckily he didn't have to. the flower thief finally stopped "ignoring" him.

"felix." his voice was soft yet changbin still heard it. his voice wasn't something he was expecting either. it had a thick accent from somewhere he doesn't know, or care to be honest. 

"why are you stealing my flowers?" before he could let felix answer, he began again, "wherever you're going with my precious plants, i demand you let me come with. you know, to see if the girl is pretty enough for you to steal my flowers." 

changbin didn't feel it but the atmosphere around them became tense. in other words, felix was feeling nervous. 

"uhm..." this time changbin didn't hear him.

"hey, speak up, bastard!" he continued to shout.

"there is no, you know, girl, okay?" he said, not looking at changbin. he was staring at the grass beneath his shoes. changbin's expression hardened, "so, what? is this just for shits and giggles then?" 

"no, that's not it...it's just that, um..." felix was fidgeting with his sleeves that were going past his fingers. changbin was waiting for an answer. 

"i'll just stop coming around. i'm sorry for stealing your flowers, i won't do it anymore. i promise." for the first time, felix glanced at changbin before turning on his heels and walking in the direction he came from. "fucking bastard.." changbin mumbled.

he turned to go inside, but something inside him lit up. before felix got too far, he shouted, "hey! flower thief!" hoping he would turn around. and he did. changbin motioned for him to come back, which, felix was hesitant about, but did anyways.

this time changbin had more of a soft expression on his face. to be honest, changbin noticed the aura felix had around him. he felt the vibes felix was giving off. and he studied his tired yet innocent face. he figured out that felix wasn't any harm, so he called him back. 

"if i give you more flowers, can i come with you?" 

felix was taken aback by how changbin's tone has changed, and by his request. he knew it was none of changbin's business, but he couldn't get himself to say no. 

"okay." he muttered. 

changbin went inside, and when he came back, he had a few purple roses in his hand. they met at ground level, and felix was a bit taller than changbin.

"here." 

felix looked from the ground, to the purple roses, then to changbin's face. he didn't say a word. changbin rolled his eyes. 

he took felix's hand and put the flowers there himself. "lets go?" he suggested, and felix nodded. 

now that changbin was closer, he could see how tired felix really looked. and he had freckles. 

they were walking silently, and the sun was finally up and people were driving past sometimes. where changbin lived wasn't busy at all so it was really quiet most of the time.

changbin strikes up a conversation. "so, flower thief, where are we going?" he looked ahead of him, not even sparing felix a glance. 

"i have a name, you know." felix suddenly said, after this whole time of being quiet. changbin smirked, "yeah, and it's flower thief." he looked over to see if felix was smiling, but he wasn't.

felix brought the flowers up to his nose, sniffing them carefully. he felt his heart wrench at the too familiar scent. his favorite, he thought. he sighed and brought the flowers down from his face. 

"what? do you not like the flowers?" 

felix shook his head slowly, "no, the flowers are fine." changbin changed the topic. "why do you steal from my garden?" he asked, putting emphasis on the word 'my'. 

felix shrugged, "i don't have money....and yours has the prettiest." he was gently rubbing one of the purple petals in between his pointer finger and his thumb. the soft texture distracted him. 

and then they were there. 

a cemetery.

changbin felt his gut turn. a cemetery? he slowed his pace and watched as felix walked into it. he thought that they were just cutting through it, but felix took a certain path and his steps became more careful. he decided to catch up with him. 

felix was sitting in front of a grave, twirling the flowers in his fingers as he quietly spoke. he didn't even know if changbin was still with him and he didn't care.

changbin waited until felix was done talking to himself. "do you want me to leave now? or..." 

felix didn't know that changbin was there, but he didn't flinch at the sound of his voice. he didn't turn around. "if you want. i just wanted the flowers." his voice now sounded dead. like he was lifeless. 

the way felix sounded made changbin feel sad. why should he feel sad? he is a stranger, he is a thief. changbin already dropped the pissed emotions way before they got here. the way felix sounded made changbin not want to leave. 

changbin sat next to felix. he looked at the gravestone, 'hwang hyunjin march 20, 2000 - may 7, 2018'. he felt his heart drop. this kid was so young. younger than me, he thought.

felix kissed the flowers before placing them on the grave. 

his favorite. 

he ran his fingers through his hair and inhaled deeply. he didn't want to cry. he always did, but now that he's with changbin, he doesn't want to. 

but he realized that changbin is just a stranger, just the owner of the flowers he's stolen from. 

so he didn't hesitate any longer. he pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his head in them. 

changbin didn't know what to do. he wondered who hyunjin was. he thought it could be his brother but 'hwang felix' doesn't sound right. but he keeps his mouth shut. asking him would be cruel.

so he just sat there silently as felix sobbed. 

after felix stopped, he fell asleep. he was just laying next to the grave, gripping onto something in his hand. changbin took a look and it was a silver cross necklace. he assumed it was hyunjins.

changbin didn't know what to do since he fell asleep. so he just patted felix's arm gently before getting up and walking back home. poor kid, he thought.

***

it's been raining constantly for the past five days. meaning changbin didn't have to go outside to water. also meaning that he hasn't checked to see if any more of his flowers are gone. 

but would felix go in the rain? he didn't think so. sure, he didn't know felix, but he knew that most people wouldn't walk out in the rain like that. 

changbin has slept in to almost 1pm. he stayed up late last night working on something. but he still got the normal amount of sleep he had always gotten. 

when he got out of bed, he saw that there was something sitting on the porch in front of his door. it was still raining outside, but since the porch had a roof, changbin went out there. 

he picked up the envelope and sat down. he investigated it before opening. he didn't know who it was from, yet he didn't care either. it could be a bomb but he didn't care.

but inside the envelope was not a bomb. there was a note. 

dear flower owner, 

i'm sorry for stealing all your flowers for the past few weeks. i promised that i won't do it anymore, and that was the last time when you gave me the purple roses. i liked those ones the most out of everything i stole from you, by the way.. i hope it isn't too late to start growing flowers again. i worked hard to get these for you in return for your stolen flowers. i hope u like them. again, i'm sorry.

-felix

changbin looked in the envelope more and there were packets of seeds for a few different kinds of flowers. the small movement made changbin smile. he appreciate what felix did, even if he was forced to do this.

the fact that the envelope was wet didn't go unnoticed, felix must've came here earlier when changbin was sleeping, that's when it was raining hard. now it's just a light rain.

changbin took a moment to appreciate the weather and how calm it's making him feel. he closed his eyes and sat back in his seat, listening to the rain hit against the warm concrete.

and just like that, he fell asleep. the envelope was in one hand while the other rested on his stomach. 

it feels as if his nap lasted two seconds, because the next thing he knows he's being woken up by a big clap of thunder. the sound was so sudden that it scared him awake and off the seat. he scrambled to get on his feet and ran inside. 

sure, he likes rain. but he does not like thunderstorms. he lit candles up in the living room because the power usually goes out when it thunderstorms. 

he was laying on his couch (facing away from all windows) when he barely heard knocks on his door. it was so quiet that the rain could almost block it out. 

he unraveled from his blanket and went to the front door, and on the other side was a dripping wet felix. 

"hi..." the blonde said awkwardly. changbin's eyes widened at this. "flower thief? what are you doing out here? it's storming are you crazy?!" 

felix was too busy wringing water out from his t-shirt to answer changbin right away. "..um..i was at the cemetery, and i fell asleep like i usually do...and the thunder woke me up...and i don't like thunder at all and since it's pretty bad outside and my house is a bit far...you're the only person that i could think of to go to but if its a bother i can just probably run home-"

"oh my god, stop rambling and get in here." changbin pulled felix inside, closing the door behind them immediately.

felix took off his shoes and put them where the others were. he felt a pair of eyes on him, so he turned around and changbin was staring at him. his face turned red because, well there isn't a reason, felix usually gets embarrassed or flustered all the time.

"do you want to borrow some clothes?" changbin asked, taking off the soaked denim jacket off of the flower thief. the jacket had gotten so heavy and it was uncomfortable, so he was thankful of changbin. 

"could i..? if you don't mind.." he ran his fingers through his wet blonde hair. another habit of his. it's something he does naturally, without even thinking.

"i'll be right back." felix stayed put and waited awkwardly for changbin to come back. he then came back with a set of grey sweatpants and a hoodie and black socks. felix mumbled a 'thank you' before being lead to the bathroom so he could change.

changbin got a water bottle for felix and waited for him to come back. he was back in his spot on the couch.

felix felt ugly in this outfit, grey-on-grey wasn't his type of style. even though it's just comfortable house wear, he still feels ugly. he waddled out of the bathroom and found changbin on the couch. he carefully sat on the other end.

changbin gave felix the water, and they began small talking. he asked why felix was there even though it was raining, and the answer he got was 'i don't mind the rain'. 

of course he doesn't mind the rain, of course he doesn't.

changbin noticed that felix was wearing a silver cross necklace, the one he saw in his hand from the other day.

"your necklace," he pointed out, motioning to it. felix looked down and held onto it, before looking back up to changbin. "yeah, my necklace. it um, it isn't mine, but..."

he got the hint. he already assumed it was hyunjin's, but he didn't want to bring him up. "i like it." changbin smiled.

the corner of felix's lips curled slightly, "me too."

then there was more small talk. changbin learned that felix is australian, and felix finally found out changbin's name. he never told him the day they finally met. 

since the two were too caught up in their conversation, neither of them noticed that it stopped raining. neither of them seemed to care, though. changbin enjoyed talking to felix, even if he seemed anxious or hesitant about some questions. 

felix was happy that changbin wasn't getting frustrated with his timidness and anxiousness. he wasn't always like this, but this year it developed. 

he tried to avoid any type of topic about the cemetery and why he was there and who he was seeing. changbin didn't ask, changbin knew not to ask, but felix was still scared that he was going to try. 

after a few hours of talking, changbin and felix agreed that he should get going home. it was almost getting dark and it had stopped raining. changbin was letting felix borrow the clothes, and he was keeping felix's clothes so he could wash them.

"thank you...for letting me in, and stuff..ya know...changbin.." he smiled a bit wider this time. changbin tried to not smile any bit bigger than him. "no problem, flower thief." he ruffled his now dry hair. 

they said goodbye to each other before felix practically jogged down the street. changbin watched him until his figure got so small that it disappeared.

when changbin returned to his bed, he stared at his ceiling for a bit. maybe he was thinking about felix, maybe not. 

when felix returned to his bed, he stared at his ceiling for a bit. maybe he was thinking about changbin, maybe not.

***

it was a cool morning, not cold but not hot. well, it was the morning, but the forecast did say that today was going to be nice. usually it's pretty hot out, but some days are nice. 

and since it's nice, there's no doubt that changbin won't be outside. he woke up a bit earlier today so that he could get more work done. 

he was watering his garden and pulling out unnecessary weeds that have shown up. other people might find this work tedious, but he doesn't mind it.

there wasn't that many weeds though, so he finished only a few minutes later. when he turned around to go put them in the compost bin, he saw felix walking up in his yard. 

changbin was only wearing a black tank top and black fitted sweatpants. that's all he ever wears, black and sweatpants.

"oh, hey flower thief." he smiled, waving to the blonde. 

felix waved and did the signature small smile. "do you need any help?" he asked when he got closer. changbin threw the weeds in the compost bin and he stretched. "um, i don't think so. but if you want to help, you can." 

he smiled and went back to his garden. felix shyly followed behind him. "did you plant the flowers i gave you?" he asked, making changbin whirl around. 

"no, actually i haven't. do you want to help me with that?"

the flower thief nodded and got on his knees next to changbin, and rolled up his sleeves. "do you know how to plant flowers?" he asked, and it made felix laugh nervously, "that makes me sound like an idiot, but no, i've never planted them before so..."

changbin chuckled, "okay, it's okay, it's pretty easy." he got closer to felix, and guided him. 

"see, you just make a hole right there." he moved felix's hands under his own and made a hole for the seeds. felix let put a breathy laugh and followed him. 

"now, you just add a few seeds in there." changbin placed a few seeds in felix's palm. he put them in gently. 

changbin smiled at how gentle felix was. "great, now you put the dirt back over it," he guided his hands under his own again and they moved the dirt back in place. "then water it...and you're done." 

felix watered the soon to be flower. when he finished, he was going to run his fingers through his hair but changbin grabbed onto his wrist, stopping him. his hands were covered in dirt. 

"lets clean up?" they stood up and walked inside. "oh, and i have your clothes, by the way." they were folded up in his room. after they cleaned up, changbin placed the clothes on the counter. "i forgot..to bring them back, i'm sorry." 

changbin shook his head, "it's fine. are you hungry?" he stuffed his head in the fridge as he looked around for something. felix didn't answer.

"um...why are you being so nice to me, again?" he asked shyly. changbin turned around, confused by the question. "what do you mean? i've been being nice to you this whole time."

felix was fidgeting with his long sleeves, "well, you were yelling at me when he first met, and now you're being nice..so i just.." 

changbin furrowed his eyebrows, "do you not want me to be nice to you? do you want me to start yelling at you again?" he closed the fridge and stepped closer to felix.

"you were angry at me the whole time that day until i brought you to the cemetery." 

that made changbin pissed. "do you think i'm fucking pitying you or something? am i suddenly not allowed to be nice to a human being?" 

now, he was shouting. 

"you yelled at me and called me names, then you gave me flowers and talked nice to me. not to mention you let me in when it was raining." felix wasn't yelling, but he was just talking facts. 

changbin dropped his arms to his sides. "i would let any other fucking person inside if it was raining out. it's a nice gesture and it has nothing to do with your personal life." he spat.

"so, if it was raining and someone you didn't know came to your house and asked to be let inside, would you let them in?" felix knew what he was saying. he knew changbin was pitying him.

it was pretty obvious too. what he was saying made sense. first changbin was calling him a bastard and now hes teaching him how to plant flowers. pretty suspicious if you asked felix. 

on the other hand, changbin was furious. he didn't understand why felix was taking his nice gestures and changing into something it wasn't. 

his jaw was clenched and his eyes were now dark. "this is fucking bullshit. take your clothes and leave. get out." 

felix grabbed his clothes off the counter and left, not turning back. 

changbin slammed the front door shut and locked it, "fucking kid doesn't know how to appreciate things." he spat to himself. the fact that there was still gardening stuff still outside didn't cross his mind. 

a thing he does when he's angry is either take really cold showers or just sleep. and he's not tired right now, so he took a shower.

and it was really cold.

he was still angry because of felix. how dare he accuse him like that? he began to act nice to felix because he seemed like he wasn't a bad guy. he acted nice before he even knew he was going to be lead to a cemetery. 

he was just trying to get me angry, he thought. 

"damn flower thief." he pouted slightly as he fell on his bed.

now he was thinking again. he didn't feel bad for snapping at him, but at the same time he did. he knew that if felix had a hurt look on his face he'd feel bad. but he didn't, he had an emotionless, yet kind of 'done', look on him.

but then he remembered felix's small smile. his small attempt to smile. it made changbin smile. he liked his small smile. even though it was barely visible, it was there. 

changbin didn't know if felix is shy and anxious or if he's depressed. he doesn't want to make an assumption about his mental health, but he at least wants to get an idea of what his personality is like. he's aware that mental health doesn't define someone, so even if felix was mentally ill, he wouldn't treat him any different.

his personality, his is complicated. he sets out a cold image for himself, to look intimidating and shit. but on the inside, he's a real softie. and he's weird and acts crazy energetic sometimes, but you have to be a certain person to bring that out in him. 

sometimes he snaps, well, he does a lot, but that's just how he is. he can't really help it. and when he starts, he can't stop. sometimes he says some bad stuff that he doesn't mean. it ruins friendships and relationships, but he can't redeem himself after that.

for the rest of the day, he laid in his bed. but before it got dark he brought his gardening things inside. he fell asleep early that night, a lot was on his mind. 

***

felix tried to find a new route to the cemetery, so he didn't have to walk past changbin's house anymore, but there was no luck. the only other route there was, was a longer walk and more dangerous. he didn't care for either, but he knew if something happened to him on the way, his mother would be heartbroken. well, his whole family probably.

so he stuck with the original.

he didn't look up when he walked past. he just kept his head down.

now he was on his way to the cemetery. it was half past 5 and he had a singular rose in his hand. everyday he goes to there to see hyunjin.

his best friend.

hyunjin and felix were best friends their whole life, as they remembered it. felix came to korea at a young age, and been best friends with hyunjin ever since. well, they were.

felix had a dream. he had a dream and it involved hyunjin in it. they planned out their future together, to move into an apartment in seoul together and work in modeling or rapping. they planned out which pets they were going to have and what the color of their bedroom walls would be.

now, he has to live that out on his own. now, he has to have a singular bed in their future apartment with only one pet. now only he gets to live out their dream.

he's not going to, though. he knew hyunjin would want him to, but just imagining it without him makes his heartbreak, more than it is already broken.

they were supposed to be best friends forever.

felix sat down when he reached his grave.

that's his best friend right there. laying lifeless beneath his feet.

he felt himself starting to choke up already. he was thinking too much about his past with hyunjin and their future as he was walking there.

"hyunjinnie.." his voice cracked. "i know you said purple roses were your favorite...but i couldn't get them today.. i know you like this too, though.." he smiled sadly as he placed the flower down.

he took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. he laughed at himself, "you see this, i started this habit because of you.." 

it was a cloudy and cool morning. there was a breeze. it was quiet.

"i um...i didn't get much sleep last night.." he sniffled, "you always used to scold me when i'd stay up late, remember?" he chuckled sadly. he pulled his knees up to his chest. he stopped talking.

he felt like hyunjin was there. he felt like his presence was in front of him and alive. he felt it.

"i still think about it...about our future...like how we were supposed to share an apartment, and model or rap together...remember?" there was a lump in his throat that never went away.

"who knew your future would be this.."

that sentence made him break. he was sobbing so hard and he could barely catch his breath.

"god...i fucking...miss you so much!"

he was gripping onto the sleeves of the hoodie he was wearing. it was hyunjin's favorite. a lot of things he's wearing was hyunjin's. his favorite necklace, his favorite silver ring. he never takes them off. if he does, it's probably because he just holds onto it as he has a breakdown.

hyunjin always wore those accessories. those exact ones felix are now wearing.

after a few minutes felix calmed down a bit. now he was taking deep breaths. he wiped his face. "you probably hate to see me like this. you always hated to see me cry..you always threatened to beat up whoever made me cry," he smiled at the memories of hyunjin trying to comfort felix by threatening his bully.

"don't beat yourself up now."

he cleared his throat, and laid down. "i'm so tired hyunjinnie...i never get sleep anymore.." he grazed a finger over the gravestone before shutting his eyes. 

felix has trouble sleeping nowadays. it used to be a habit, even before hyunjin died, but now he can't even fall asleep if he tried. the only time he usually gets sleep is around this time. or if he faints due to over exhaustion.

it's for different reasons now. it used to be because him and hyunjin, or just him himself, would stay up all night playing video games or something. now he just spends his night staring at the ceiling, either thinking or just, lifeless.

he cries a lot at night too. he's surprised that he still has enough tears in his system to cry this much. especially if it's everyday. 

everyday he waits for the morning to hit so he can leave the house and meet his best friend. there's not one day he misses. even if he's sick, he still goes. 

his family is worried for him, they're aware that he doesn't sleep at night and they're aware that he cries too much. they make food for him but he rarely eats it.

no one expected this to happen. for felix to end up like this, for hyunjin to die. hyunjin didn't expect it either.

he was just walking across a street, he looked both ways and he wasn't on his phone. he had full attention the road. felix knew that, which broke him even more. he knew that hyunjin wouldn't be on his phone while crossing he knew he wasn't dumb.

 

even though felix lost hyunjin, he wished death on the person who killed him. it doesn't seem logical to wish death on someone while you're mourning a death, but he did and he doesn't care.

all felix wants is his best friend back.

***

changbin hasn't seen felix in almost two weeks. the number of flowers he had in his garden stopped decreasing. 

to be honest, he missed his face. he kind of missed seeing his small smiles and his quiet voice. 

"damn flower thief.." he mumbled sleepily, turning off his alarm. did he really set an alarm so he can wake up early to catch felix walking past? yes, yes he did.

he got dressed and brushed his hair. he waited at the door until he'd see felix walking. he got the idea of when felix would be walking past, he learned from when he first caught him. 

then, he saw him. he wasn't at his house yet but he was a few houses down. changbin opened the door and sat down on the steps of his porch. 

"hey, flower thief," 

felix stopped in his tracks, lifting his head up at the sound of changbin's voice. he looked at him briefly before speaking, "it's felix." 

changbin patted the empty spot next to him. felix stared at him before slowly walking over. he sat down next to him, their legs slightly touching each other. 

"i'm sorry for lashing out on you..i just hope you know that i'm not pitying you," he looked at felix who was staring at the ground. "i'm not going to pity you, either. i changed my attitude that day because i assumed later on that you aren't a horrible person. that's why i started to be remotely nice."

felix was listening carefully, trying to pick up any hesitation in his words or if he was lying. that's something he can sense if he tries hard enough.

"thanks for apologizing." he said quietly. changbin nodded, "it's not something i do often. usually when i lash out on people, i don't go back to them after that." 

"why?" felix asked, turning his head to look at him. this time, changbin was just staring ahead of him. this was a good chance for felix to take note of changbin's side profile.

"when i lash out, and stuff, it's something i can't control. like, once i start, i can't stop..then i say bad stuff i don't mean. which probably ruins the relationship with whoever..i don't even try to redeem myself, so i just don't go back."

felix took in the information and nodded, "then why did you come back?" changbin looked at him, and they made eye contact. "i didn't lash out as bad as i usually do."

they're sitting closer to each other now, their legs are up against each other. silence devoured the two of them.

it's so early, changbin was still tired, but seeing felix was worth it. he hasn't stopped thinking about him since the last time.

he wants to be his friend. 

"i like your freckles." changbin randomly blurted out. he didn't mean to say that, but he did. 

felix turned to look at changbin, who was staring right back at him. "thank you." 

changbin smiled, which made felix smile. this time it was a bit bigger. "i appreciate your smiles." he said, not taking his eyes off felix. that comment made felix's face turn red, because felix usually gets embarrassed or flustered all the time.

"they're small, but they're there." changbin nudged felix slightly and finally stopped talking. "you're not that bad." felix said.

he received a playful glare after his statement. "you better watch what you say, flower thief." 

felix pursed his lips and look ahead of him, "and what if i don't?" 

changbin smirked, "you'll find out." he cracked his knuckles, making felix chuckle softly. he got up and ran to the grass, before plopping down on it. the sun was in his eyes, so he used his arm to protect his eyes.

soon the spot next to him got filled by changbin. "why are you laying on my precious grass?" even though he was laying on it too. 

"why are you letting me?" felix turned his head to look at changbin. "you're acting weird, flower thief." changbin pointed out. he's acting a lot more sassy than usual. and he's talking more, technically. 

he's kind of acting human, not like an emotionless robot like he had been before.

felix propped himself up with his elbow, "i'm just acting like i used to, you know? like, before all this shit happened." changbin nodded, and got in the same position felix was in.

"i like this felix." 

the blonde widened his eyes, "that's the first time you said my name." he liked the way his name sounded coming out of changbin's mouth. 

changbin smirked, "is it?" 

the two laid there, and talked for a bit more. the sun shining down on them made them feel hot. after maybe a half hour of talking, felix became quiet again. this made changbin frown. he was happy that felix was being his normal self, but now he seems to be back to his robot self.

"felix.. are you okay?" he asked, poking his arm. they were now laying on their backs. felix was just staring up at the sky.

changbin moved closer, "felix.." he put his hand on his arm. he didn't like to see felix look lifeless. sure, they've only knew each other for a month now, but he still doesn't like to see him that way. he cares for felix. he wants him to be happy again.

but he understands that he isn't in the right place right now to be happy. he understands that felix is going through a lot right now. he understands.

"i need to go see him." his voice was quiet and soft again. normal felix has officially left. changbin assumed he was talking about hyunjin, and he realized that he stopped him from visiting the cemetery.

"i'm sorry, i shouldn't have stopped you. i just really wanted to clear things up." felix shook his head, "it's okay. if i didn't want to talk to you i would've kept walking." that was a lie, felix never has it in him to say no or ignore people.

"you can go, now, i don't mind." 

felix sat up, and brushed off any grass that has stuck to him. then he fixed his hair. changbin just watched him from the ground.

felix took a deep breath then exhaled. he stuck his hand out, waiting for changbin to grab it. "what?" the older asked, not understanding the gesture. 

"i want you to come with me.." felix replied shyly. changbin smiled and took his hand.

when they arrived at the cemetery, felix put his hood up. he was wearing one of hyunjin's hoodies again. he was fiddling with one of the bracelets he was wearing. it was a bead bracelet, and it said hyunjin with a heart after it.

changbin began wondering who hyunjin was to felix. he already assumed he was his best friend, since felix never really told him who he was. maybe he was his boyfriend? but he scratched that away real quick, he didn't even know if felix liked boys. 

they sat in front of the grave together, knees touching. felix began talking like he usually does. every time he talks about something different. that might sound hard, since he goes there every day, but they just have so many memories together. so many inside jokes and references. 

but this time, he wasn't talking about their memories or inside jokes. he began talking about his own life, what he's been doing and what happened in the past 2 months. it's the end of july, so the 3 month date is coming soon. he can't believe it's been that long without his best friend.

"hyunjinnie...this is changbin, a friend i made recently.." he was still fidgeting with the 'hyunjin' bracelet, but now its off his wrist.

changbin's heart warmed up since felix considers him as a friend.

"don't worry, he's not a replacement. i could never replace you." he smiled to himself, thinking of the fake hurt expression hyunjin would always use when felix talked about a new friend.

then his attention went on the bracelet. "i still wear this, everyday...i don't take it off that much, not as much as i do with the necklace and ring..but that's because i don't want to ruin them when i take showers and stuff....but this is plastic, so it's fine.."

changbin was silent this whole time, until now. "whats the bracelet?" he asked, hoping the question wasn't too much. felix looked at him, "it's a friendship bracelet. i made them for his birthday, and we promised each other to always wear it. mine says his name with a heart, his says my name with a heart.." he showed him the bracelet.

"that's cute." 

felix smiled, "yeah.." he cleared his throat before speaking again. "he got buried with it on." 

somehow, that made changbin's heartbreak. "oh..my god." he whispered to himself. he looked at the gravestone again, and read his birthday. it wasn't even that far from when he died. 

felix ran his fingers through his hair. earlier he apologized to hyunjin for not having any flowers today. some days he couldn't get them.

it seems like all the tiredness kicks in when he's at the cemetery. felix was falling asleep. changbin noticed this, and put a hand on his back.

"hey, do you want to go back to my house? you're falling asleep." felix shook his head, and laid down. "i'm fine here." he yawned and closed his eyes.

why does he sleep here? why doesn't he sleep at home? does he even get sleep? all of these questions ran through changbin's head. he was worried for felix. 

the sun in this sky had disappeared, and now it's clouds. and the sky is dark. the wind was picking up, and it was blowing changbin's hair around. felix had his hood on.

"felix, it looks like it's going to storm." changbin tugged on his sleeve, trying to get him up. "i don't mind the rain." he really wasn't budging.

suddenly, there was a loud crash of thunder. it jolted felix up, and changbin slightly whimpered. "felix, if you're not coming, i'm leaving right now. i can't handle storms." 

he got up, and felix kissed the gravestone and whispered something, before standing up. changbin grabbed onto felix's wrist and they started running. 

luckily they got inside of changbin's house right before it started pouring. the run wasn't far, but they were both out of breath since neither of them get this kind of exercise.

changbin looked at felix and laughed, making felix smile. every time it gets a bit bigger. 

there was more thunder, which scared both boys. changbin and felix went into changbin's bedroom, since he had dark curtains that could block out the lightning. they sat on his bed.

"this is my first time being in your room." felix stated, looking around. there were some posters, some decorations. he liked changbin's style.

"well, this is like your second time being in my house." changbin cocked an eyebrow up. he watched as felix observed his room. felix turned back to face him, "actually, my third."

"you're weird." changbin joked, reaching out to ruffle felix's hair. felix leaned back, trying to avoid his hand. but changbin kept leaning forward, and felix was whining a 'no', before both of them fell.

felix fell on his back, and changbin fell right on top of him. 

changbin held himself up with his hands. they were so close, this is the closest they've gotten to each other. his eyes flicked from felix's eyes to his lips, then back to his eyes.

neither of them said anything.

changbin leaned down, getting even closer to his face. felix fluttered his eyes shut, which made changbin smile. he pressed his lips against his nose gently. 

when the two made eye contact again, felix looked a little disappointed. felix knew why, changbin had an idea why. 

felix bit his tongue as he stared up at changbin. sure, he's taken multiple mental notes on changbin's face and expressions, but he never really saw the close details.

he's pretty cute.

he reached up and touched his hair, happy that it was as soft as it looked. then his hand slipped to the back of his neck. they held eye contact for a bit longer, getting more tense. 

his mind was telling him to go for it, to kiss changbin. but at the thought of that kind of made his heart hurt. the last person he kissed was hyunjin. (hyunjin was felix's first kiss. he was scared to lose his first kiss to some douche and then regret it, so hyunjin kissed him. it made felix happy.)

he hoped he wasn't going to regret this.

changbin was staring him down, waiting for felix to do something. he didn't know if he was freaked out that he kissed his nose, or if he should get up and run out of his own house. 

but all his thoughts came to a halt when felix pulled him down, their faces now centimeters apart. they stayed like that for a moment, before changbin's lips were met with felix's.

they didn't move at first. changbin then initiated that part, he began moving his lips against felix's. he did the same not too long after.

felix's hands slid down to changbin's waist. they were both comfortable. that would've been weird if one of them wasn't.

changbin was losing breath, so he pulled away first. he smiled at felix, his lips looked all red and swollen. felix huffed and rain his fingers through his hair.

"you're never going to stop doing that, are you?" changbin asked, running his own fingers through felix's hair. it may be blonde and kind of dead, but he still liked to do it.

"nope." felix smiled cheekily. that was the biggest smile changbin has ever seen on felix. he leaned down and kissed him one more time, before climbing off. they both laid next to each other (it seems common now that they do that) and talked.

they started to talk about their favorite things. favorite color, favorite food, favorite season.. basically anything you could add 'favorite' in front of. 

changbin's favorite color was black, of course it was. his whole wardrobe was black. felix's favorite color, well, he said he didn't really have a favorite. he talked about how each color holds its own meaning and emotion. changbin was fascinated by how deep felix thought about simple colors.

changbin was really happy right now. felix was almost as happy. he was getting there. it may take a while, but he'll get there. now he has changbin on his side to help him.

***

"no, no felix you don't do it like that." changbin gently moved felix's hands, "you have to take it out from the bottom, like this."

changbin and felix were planting flowers. these are already store bought flowers, though. they went to a garden store together, and felix pressured changbin into buying some so they could plant them together.

it was early in the morning when changbin was going to walk to the garden store, but met felix when he walked out of his house. of course he did, felix always passes his house at 5:30 a.m.

so, felix wanted to go with him. he wanted to see what type of things gardeners like changbin used. 

now it's later in the day. like felix has mentioned before, he doesn't know how to plant flowers, or basically anything about gardening. he was about to kill this poor flowers life.

changbin almost screamed when he saw the way felix tried taking the flower out of the tray. he picked it up by the petals. 

"oh..okay i get it." felix awkwardly laughed at himself. even though felix understood how to pick it up, changbin was still holding onto his hands.

felix got a bit excited when they finished planting the flower. he got up from his knees and clapped his hands excitedly, "oh my god, it's so pretty." 

"like you." changbin mumbled, getting up too. they both admired their flower for a few seconds, before felix realized what changbin said. they washed the dirt off their hands with a bottle of water.

his lips curled up, "wait, what?" 

changbin stuffed his pockets and smirked, "took you a while." he looked felix's way, who was staring back at him. "did you just call me pretty?" he asked, completely shocked. he's pretty oblivious most of the time.

changbin laughed and nodded, which cause felix to turn into a deep shade of red.

he wasn't used to compliments, the only person who would really compliment him was hyunjin. it's not that people thought he was ugly, but no one told him how pretty he actually is.

in his opinion, though, hyunjin was godlike. he thought that his best friend was the most attractive being on this planet. of course, to be able to think that, there must be feelings attached, right?

well, felix did like hyunjin. not recently, but not for a long time. he gave up as soon as they became close friends. did hyunjin kissing felix hurt him, in a way? yes, it did. but he never told him.

he wishes he told him.

about liking him, not the kiss.

or at least that he liked the kiss.

as always, felix drowned in his thoughts. and as always, changbin noticed. he touched his arm, "felix..felix." but this time, he was too far in. 

he was too far into his old feelings about hyunjin and thinking about all the things he should've told him. he was far into everything that he couldn't respond to changbin.

changbin was now standing in front of him, holding his wrists. felix blinked and tears fell out of his eyes. he felt his heart drop into his gut, he hated to see felix cry.

felix finally came back to reality, and met eyes with changbin. he could tell he looked worried, it was written all over his face. he hated to see him worried, especially since it's because of him.

"hey..what's wrong?" changbin gently wiped off the tears on his face. felix's lips quivered, before he collapsed into changbin's arms. changbin fell onto his knees and held onto him tightly.

and felix sobbed.

like he always does. all he does is cry, because he's a crybaby. he should be able to control his emotions, like any other human being could. but he can't. he's over dramatic and it's probably embarrassing.

"i'm so sorry." his voice was shaking and he was gripping onto changbin tightly. "i'm so sorry for crying so much i..i can't help it." his forehead was pressed against changbin's shoulder.

"don't be sorry felix." changbin couldn't tell if the tears on his cheeks were his own or if they were felix's. 

changbin pulled out of the hug, but they were still holding onto each other. felix looked like a mess, his eyes were red and puffy, his whole face was just wet from his tears, and his lips were trembling like crazy.

"hey, just take a deep breath, it's going to be okay." changbin touched felix's hair, than ran his hand down the side of his face and cupped his right cheek. he stroked his skin softly with his thumb. felix leaned into his touch.

"changbin why are you crying?" he looked at changbin, who had only a few tears streaming down his cheek. he's never seen him cry before. changbin shook his head, "nothing, it just breaks my heart to see you like this, you know?" 

felix wiped his eyes, before mumbling, "i'm sorry for making you cry." he seemed to stop crying now. he aggressively wiped his cheeks with his sleeves, trying to get rid of the tears.

changbin pulled his hands down, interlocking their fingers together. "it's going to be alright. i promise." he smiled warmly. felix gulped and nodded slowly. 

"hey, look at me." changbin free'd one of his hands and put his pointer finger under felix's chin. "i'll be by your side, i promise. it's going to be okay." his words felt so promised and genuine, which made felix's lips quiver again.

changbin chuckled, "oh baby please don't cry again." he pulled him closer. felix was pouting, still affected by changbin's words. "why are you pouting?" felix didn't answer, but kept pouting.

he has pretty lips, pretty kissable lips. he's a pretty boy.

changbin stared at him, waiting for an answer. after he got silence in return, he smiled. he leaned closer, and kissed felix's lips. his cute pout.

it was just a peck, but it made felix smile. he proceeded to peck his lips over and over again, making him giggle. felix grabbed his shoulders, stopping him while his lips were still pursed up.

"you're always making the first moves," he whined, making changbin scoff. "oh please, like you would." at that sentence, felix cupped changbin's face and connected their lips.

changbin's hands rested on felix's knees as they kissed. it was innocent and kind of salty, due to felix's leftover tears. he didn't mind though, that's what makes the moment more special.

they pulled away and changbin laid flat on his back. "felix...what are we?" he asked. he was staring up at the sky. felix shifted awkwardly, "um...i don't know..friends?" 

he didn't lay down next to changbin. he was still sitting in front of him, now only seeing his knees and legs. 

that made changbin's heart fall into his gut. "friends that kiss each other?" he sounded a bit cold, and a bit disappointed. he just got friend zoned. 

felix felt a huge amount of guilt pile up in him, "no, it's not like that. it's just..we aren't dating..and we aren't best friends. what else would make us?" 

changbin never wants to become felix's best friend. he could never take that spot that was someone else's. someone who had to give up that spot immediately with no choice.

felix still considers hyunjin as his best friend. though he may seem like it, he hasn't accepted his death yet. like, he see's his grave everyday, but the fact that the person lying underneath all that dirt is his lifelong best friend hasn't sunk in yet.

it just feels like he's moved away temporarily, and disconnected his phone and all social media. 

felix waits for the day he'd move back, and reactivate his accounts. but it's not going to happen.

he's not gonna lie, he still texts his phone, or sends him dm's on instagram. especially when he see's dog videos on his explore page, he sends them without any thought. 

"you can't be my best friend anyways. i have someone for that role." he replied to himself later on. changbin stayed still. "felix.." 

before felix could get any deeper in thought, he jumps up onto his feet, "i don't want to talk about this. why don't we go do something?" changbin opened his legs and stared at felix from between them, "like what?"

he got pulled up and on his feet by felix, "i don't know, but lets just do something." changbin slid his hand into felix's before mumbling an 'okay'. 

***

after their little 'date' at the arcade, changbin hasn't seen felix in days. he never gotten his phone number, so he can't contact him. and he doesn't know where he lives so he can't go over and talk to him physically. 

he even woke up early at 5am for the past few days to see if felix would walk by. but he never did. 

that made him worry, the fact that he didn't even see him walk past his house to go see hyunjin. was he avoiding him? did he stop going to see hyunjin? or did something happen to him?

the last thought gave changbin goosebumps. he was really hoping that felix was okay and that nothing happened to him. all day everyday since he's noticed his nonappearance he's been convincing himself that everything is okay, that felix is just at home, safe and sound in his bed.

but now it's the 7th day. and he hasn't heard a word from the blonde. changbin was starting to freak out now. he woke up late today, since he spent all night worrying about felix. 

his parents came back two days ago, and they've stayed inside the house to accompany changbin since he's been left alone for so long. even though they've been gone for long, they noticed changbin's mood change.

when changbin woke up, he looked at his phone, expecting a text from felix, forgetting that it was impossible for that to happen. he thew his phone on his bed, rubbing his eyes roughly. when he opened his eyes, he saw a stack of books in the corner of his room.

he suddenly got an idea. 

flying out of his bed, he ran out the door and to the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinets and drawers. his mom was in there, but he ignored her.

"good afternoon changbin-- what are you doing?" she asked, watching him search like a maniac. he popped up and grabbed her arms, "wheres our phone book?" 

she looked taken aback about the question, probably because she thought that changbin didn't even know what a phone book was. "i-- under the tv stand, why?" "is it updated?" "well, yes, it's this year. changbin what do you need a phone book for?" 

he ran into the living room and pulled out a thick yellow book. he frantically flipped the pages, going to the 'lee' part. his eyes skimmed down the pages, looking for a name that could possibly be felix's parents.

they were all korean names. next page, he looked even harder. he almost gave up, but he finally found a name, which he hoped was felix's moms name. "teresa lee." he whispered to himself. 

he ripped out the page, despite his moms yelling, and got up quickly. he threw his shoes and a hat on, before running out the door. 

he ran down the street--no, he sprinted. exercise isn't really changbin's thing, but this is felix he's talking about. he doesn't know if felix is okay, or even alive. he'd do anything to get to him.

now, he was just hoping this was the right family, right address. more importantly, he hoped felix was alright.

when he reached the house, he was out of breath. he was gasping for air as he knocked on the door. after a few seconds, he rang the doorbell. he was impatient.

the door finally opened, and behind it reveled a middle aged woman. he hoped that was felix's mom.

"can i help you?" she asked, staring at changbin. "is felix here?" he asked quickly. she raised her eyebrows, "and who are you?"

her questions were making changbin impatient. he just wanted to see his flower thief. "i'm...his friend...changbin. can i see him?" he talked between breaths. he still had no air in his lungs and he felt like he could collapse at any second.

felix's mom opened the door wider, and told him where felix's room was. he nodded and thanked her, before again, running, to his room. 

changbin knocked on the door, and heard a quiet hum. he swung the door open, and saw felix laying on his bed.

felix was laying on his bed, completely silent. he heard his mom talking to someone downstairs, he assumed it was a delivery or something. then, he heard footsteps up the stairs. he assumed again that it was his mom.

but when his door swung open, the person who stood behind it was not his mom. it was changbin. he felt his heart drop into his gut, seeing him standing in the doorway, out of breath.

"changbin.." 

he stood up from his bed, and changbin walked over and pulled him into a hug. he was holding onto him tightly, his arms wrapped around his upper waist. felix hugged him back, but in a more gently, shy way.

"where the fuck have you been?" 

changbin pulled out of the hug, still holding onto felix. he noticed there was a bruise and a cut on his right cheek. felix gulped, "in my bed.."

he could sense the obvious worry coming off of changbin. he knew he was scared and worried about him. the thought of him arriving at his house, even though felix never told him where he lived, already came up and out of his head. that's not important right now. maybe.

"what are you doing here?" he asked, and his voice sounded more broken than ever. it was broken and sad and it was clear that he was not okay. and it hurt changbin.

"i was worried about you, felix. you can't just disappear like that! it's been a week!" changbin felt the tears brewing in his eyes, which was abnormal. he doesn't cry that much, why is he crying right now?

felix nodded, "i know, i know...i'm just...i can't, changbin." 

changbin inhaled, "you can't what?" 

felix stayed silent.

changbin pressed his lips into a line, "you can't what?" he tried again. 

"this, changbin! life!"

felix burst, and fell onto his bed. he laid on his stomach, face in his pillow. he was crying now. of course he was, he always cries.

changbin sat next to him, rubbing his back gently. "felix." he mumbled, now his voice was quiet. the blonde just hummed sadly in response. "felix, look at me." 

the said boy slowly sat up, now sitting in front of the other. his face was wet with tears. changbin gently stroked his hair. "felix, what's happening? what's going on?"

"i don't have anything left." 

"what do you mean?"

"i mean what i said. i have nothing. hyunjin is gone, my dad hates me now. the only fucking thing i have left is my mom." he bit his lip to stop himself from crying so much.

"your dad? what happened?" changbin was really hoping he wasn't making felix even more upset with the questions. but he knows he needs to let it all out. and luckily, he didn't seem affected by the constant questions.

"i came out to him. i told him that i was gay and he hates me now." he sounded a lot more, calm? his last sentences were rushed and filled with tears. now he just spoke quietly and slowly.

changbin's heart broke. is this why he had those marks on his face? how could a father do that to their own child? he felt the sadness and rage boil inside him.

"oh my god...i'm sorry." 

felix looked into changbin's eyes, "there's nothing left for me, changbin."

changbin was going to say something, but felix beat him to it. "i mean, hyunjin was my everything. he was my world, my universe. my life revolved around him because he was my best friend and we did everything together. absolutely fucking everything. i'd always be out of the house because i'd be with him. now i don't even fucking leave my bed anymore. the only times i do is to go see him now. i barely had him over because i had a fucking feeling that my dad didn't accept gays and i didn't want him to think there was anything between us. but now. now i don't leave. he was my source of happiness. my source of life. without him, i'm just flesh on a skeleton. nothing more than that."

those words hit changbin like a truck. he knew hyunjin was his best friend, but he didn't know that they were that close.

"relying on him for happiness isn't healthy.." he said. 

"you think i don't fucking know that?!" felix outbursted. he fell onto his side and just laid there silently. changbin crawled to the other side of felix's bed and laid in front of him. he reached out to cup the side of his face. "listen to me, okay?" he spoke softly.

felix closed his eyes and nodded slightly. "you have me, okay? we can do this together, i can help you. i may not get the pain away permanently, but i'll help. felix i want to help you. i want you to be happy. seeing you in this state constantly breaks my heart. i love you so much and i just want to see your biggest, fullest, happiest smile. and i'm gonna make it happen, alright?" 

he meant every single word he said. he was determined to make felix happy and he was determined to make him realize that he has so much to live for. he was determined to make felix return to his happy self that he knew existed.

he really liked felix. he liked him more than a friend, and both of them knew that. the last thing he wanted was for felix to feel and think this way. he just wants him to be happy.

"do you mean that?" felix asked, his voice was a pit higher than usual. changbin nodded and smiled warmly. felix's bottom lip started to quiver and he felt himself about to cry again.

changbin pulled him into his chest, "baby, don't cry. don't cry unless they're tears of happiness." he shushed, stroking the hair on the back of his head. felix's head was in changbin's chest and his hands were pressed up against him. even though felix was slightly taller than him, they were still comfortable.

"is your dad home?" changbin asked, and felix mumbled a 'no'. "good, then we can stay like this for a while." he pressed a kiss on his head before pulling him closer and closing his eyes.

 

***

it was the same day when changbin woke up. well, it was the evening. it was just around dinner time, and felix was still sleeping. he was cuddled into him and he was sleeping peacefully. 

changbin admired him. he looked so beautiful while sleeping. it's nice to see him in such a peaceful state, something different than always seeing that sad frown that's tattooed onto his lips.

he wished that felix wasn't so sad. not that it bothers him or annoys him, he just hates to see him suffering so badly. he just wants felix to have all the happiness in the world.

of course, wishes are just fantasy. wishes will never come true no matter how hard you wish. if he did have a genie and 3 wishes, they would be for felix to be happy again, for his own family to do well, and for hyunjin to still be alive.

even though wishing for hyunjin's death to never have happened would have him not meet felix, but as long as he'd be happy and healthy and with the person he loves the most, it's okay.

the thought of seeing felix's bright and genuine happy smile made changbin's heart warm. anything about felix being happy or excited just makes changbin happy. felix just makes him happy.

speaking of felix, he was slightly squirming around in changbin's arms. the older was staring at him, waiting for him to wake up.

but felix didn't open his eyes. changbin sighed, and began to run his fingers through his blonde hair. he does it all the time, but he can't help it. plus, he knows felix likes the feeling of it.

"felix~" changbin sung quietly, "wake up sleepy head.." felix groaned and dug his face into his chest, "i'm still tired." he yawned and hummed cutely (in changbin's opinion). 

it was around 6pm, and both of them could smell the dinner that was being cooked downstairs. felix inhaled the scent and sighed contently, before he shot his eyes open. 

"changbin, what time is it?" he asked cautiously. changbin looked at the digital clock on his bedside table. "a bit after 6. why?" felix's face went pale, and he looked up at changbin with a scared expression.

changbin knew what was wrong by that look. 

felix detached himself from him and got up from his bed and looked out one of the windows. he spotted the grey truck he was hoping that wouldn't be there. 

he turned around and gulped, "changbin, you need to leave. now." 

the said male looked at him with his eyes widened, "what? i'm not leaving you here." felix dragged him out of his bed by his arm. "changbin please leave. my dad is home." 

changbin grabbed felix's face and held him, "felix. i'm not leaving without you." they stared into each others eyes. 

felix nodded, "okay, fine, but we can't stay here." he pulled his shoes on and grabbed his phone and a charger. "okay, we'll go to my house. pack a bag, you can stay for a few days." 

he picked his hat up from the floor and put it on. felix opened his closet and started putting some clothes in a bag. "are you sure it's okay with your parents? they don't even know me." he asked, zipping up his red book bag. 

changbin smiled reassuringly. "of course. they'll like you, anyways." felix smiled a bit and threw the bag over his back. he turned off the lights before closing the door behind them.

they walked down the stairs quietly, and felix popped his head into the kitchen, to see his mom making dinner. no sight of his dad yet.

"mom," felix whispered, in english. she turned around, and smiled anxiously, "your father is home," and felix nodded impatiently, "i know. is it okay if i go to changbin's place for a few days?" 

she nodded and turned off the stove, "text me when you get there. i love you." "thanks mom. i will, and i love you too." he blew her a kiss before he pulled changbin out of the house. 

they jogged a bit, to get away from the house. they didn't go too fast though so they weren't out of breath.

when they got to changbin's house, the lights were on and both of his parents cars were parked in the driveway. changbin and felix were holding hands as they walked. 

felix felt very anxious. he was never good with talking to other peoples parents, except his own and hyunjin's. he's never even met changbin's parents before, so he's even more nervous.

changbin could tell how anxious felix was feeling. he stopped at the front steps, and squeezed felix's hands. "it's going to be okay, i promise. there's no need to worry." he smiled reassuringly. he seems to do that a lot.

"i know, i just can't help it, you know?" changbin nodded, and leaned closer to him, so that their noses were touching. "don't think too much about it." he whispered, before capturing him in a short kiss.

they went inside, and since their front door is in the living room, changbin's parents noticed them right away. the sound of the door opening made their heads turn.

changbin's moms expression softened when she saw the intrueder was just her son. but the she remembered what happened this morning, so she stood up with her arms crossed. his dad watched from the couch.

"where have you been?" she asked, and changbin pulled felix behind him, still holding onto his hand.

he shifted anxiously, "um.. out.." "out where?" she asked again. "i-" "you better explain yourself after what happened earlier."

felix wondered what happened. 

"what do you mean? nothing happened earlier." changbin smiled cheekily. his mom sighed, "when you went absolutely crazy and were freaking out and asked for a phone book? i didn't even know you knew what a phone book was!" 

changbin's dad chuckled at what his mother said. it seems like neither of them noticed felix was there. 

felix held in a laugh thinking about changbin acting that crazy. he hopes he could see changbin's energetic and exciting side.

"i um, i was just looking for someone," he said, then raised his hand up (the one that was holding felix's hand.). felix stumbled out from behind him, and his cheeks turned red as he saw two pairs of eyes on him.

changbin's mom smiled when she saw felix, "oh, hi! what's your name?" she asked. "felix.." he responded, then looked at changbin anxiously. changbin understood the message and pulled him to his room, saying bye to his parents.

felix sat on his bed. "nothing's changed." he said as he observed his room. changbin sat down next to him, "well, i didn't do anything to it." 

he laid down on his back, but he turned his head so he could look at felix. "are you hungry?" he asked. felix looked down at him, "i um...not really." he was playing with changbin's fingers that were resting on his stomach.

"what do you want to do then?" changbin asked, and he was softly smiling at the soft action felix was doing. apart from being closed off, shy and sad all the time, he's actually a big softie. changbin finds it so cute.

felix thought for a few minutes. he was holding onto his fingers still as he fell silent and thought. 

it seemed like he thought of something quickly, though. he took a deep breath and cleared his throat. "can i show you hyunjin? and like talk about what he was like?" 

he knew that he was quite ready to talk about hyunjin in a happy manner, especially without crying. but he wants changbin to know who hyunjin was, what he looked like and what his personality was like.

changbin intertwined their fingers together, "are you sure you can handle it?" "no, but i want you to know.." 

they sat up and against the wall. felix took out his phone and went onto instagram. he typed in what changbin assumed was hyunjin's username. he liked that he memorized it.

felix felt his heart drop when he saw hyunjin's face. the beautiful face of his best friend. changbin wasn't peeking, but he was looking forward, waiting for felix to be ready.

"here um, this is his account." he put his phone in changbin's hand. changbin scrolled to the bottom, wanting to see what his first post was. it was a picture of felix.

he showed the picture to him with a questioning look on his face. felix smiled, immediately remembering the memory. "me and hyunjin were at my favorite restaurant back in australia." 

"you brought him to australia?" changbin looked more on his account. he wasn't going to lie, hyunjin was very attractive. he had a lot of posts. a majority of them were pictures of him and felix together. it was cute.

felix hummed in response. he brought him along many times when he went to visit his family back in australia. he was his best friend, of course. felix's parents loved hyunjin, his parents loved felix. everything was perfect.

after changbin looked at a few more pictures, he gave felix back his phone. "so, tell me about him." 

***

today is a special day. 

changbin has planned out a date for him and felix. well, he didn't know if he should call it a date or not, but he hoped it was. felix had no clue what was going on, either. 

it was their last night together, until felix had to go back home the next day. so changbin wanted it to be special. he convinced felix into taking a nap with him so he could set up the date.

when he fell asleep, changbin slipped out of his arms and got everything ready. he returned to the bed right after, as if nothing happened. he waited for felix to wake up.

he was really hoping that he would like it. 

when felix woke up, changbin tied a blindfold over his eyes. "oh my god, what are you doing?" felix asked, touching the blindfold with his tiny hands. he couldn't see the point, but that was the point anyways.

"just follow me, and trust me, okay?" changbin let him hold onto his arm as he lead him to his backyard. he closed the door behind them, and felix was fidgeting with his jacket zipper. he was nervous.

"are you ready?" changbin asked, and felix mumbled a 'yes'. changbin gently took the blindfold off of him, and watched as his expression rose and became bright. brighter than the sun, brighter than any star.

changbin smiled at him. not any ordinary smile, but an infatuated smile. 

seeing felix smile like that, it made changbin fall even deeper for him. he loved it. he loved that look on his face. he loved seeing him happy.

"do you like it?" he asked, wrapping his arms around felix's waist, pressing his chest against his back. he may be shorter than him, but backhugs still work out fine. he rested his chin on his shoulder.

"i do. i really do. this is like, it's so beautiful." felix's eyes were twinkling. this was a very beautiful sight. 

in front of them was changbin's dad's truck, the trunk was outlined in white christmas lights. inside the truck were pillows, blankets, and snacks. felix's favorites, to be specific. there was a massive white screen, and a projector next to the truck.

the light of the christmas lights illuminated felix's face, making him look angelic. his messy blonde hair, pretty lips, perfectly placed freckles were all too beautiful. he's too beautiful.

to say to the least, changbin was happy that felix liked it.

to say to the least, felix was happy that changbin would do such a thing.

changbin grabbed felix's hand, and walked him to the truck. they climbed in and under the blankets. felix couldn't stop smiling. "changbin...this is so amazing. thank you for doing this." his smile was so sweet. so pure and sweet.

felix really couldn't describe how much this meant to him. the fact that someone, especially changbin, would go out and do this for him. it makes him so happy, it makes him feel warm inside.

changbin couldn't get over how beautiful felix looked. he couldn't stop staring at him. he couldn't stop staring at him with a dumb smile on his face. 

he put his pointer finger under felix's chin, and turned him to face him. he looked at him briefly before leaning in and connecting their lips.

felix leaned into the kiss and cupped changbin's left cheek with his tiny hand. the kiss they shared was romantic and sweet. 

changbin pulled away and wrapped an arm around felix's shoulders. he grabbed the remote from under his pillow and started the movie. it was felix's favorite, peter the rabbit. it was childish, but changbin didn't care. it was cute.

felix snuggled closer to him, and eventually they ended up sharing a blanket. he might have been playing with changbin's fingers the whole time. changbin might have kept taking his eyes off the movie and staring at felix instead. 

when the movie ended, it was near midnight. but felix was nowhere close to being tired. changbin was a bit sleepy, but he wanted to stay up with felix. they stayed out in the truck.

they were still close, and they seemed to get closer every minute. now, they were just relaxing in silence. changbin was playing with felix's hair. felix was tracing random shapes on changbin's leg.

changbin has been thinking this whole time. of course, only about felix. that's all he thinks about nowadays.

a slight breeze was brushing up against them, making the atmosphere comfortable. the sound of trees blowing slightly was relaxing to listen to.

"hey, felix," changbin started. felix hummed. changbin licked his lips before pressing them into a thin line, then inhaled deeply and looked around the yard. he was stalling. 

"do you want to be my boyfriend?"

felix's gaze froze on his lap. he physically felt his heartbeat speed up. he felt a smile, and a blush creeping up on his face.

he finally looked at changbin. 

the space around them was getting tense. its been a minute or two since changbin asked, and got no response. he was really hoping that felix wouldn't reject him.

and then he saw it again. felix's perfect, sweet smile. 

the smile that made him feel warm and fuzzy inside. the smile that made him want to pick him up and spin him around out of pure happiness. the smile that made him realize how perfect felix really is.

"yes."

changbin looked down, trying to hide the massive smirk that appeared on his face. he couldn't help it. he is so happy. he is so happy that felix is his boyfriend now.

he looked up to find felix smiling at him. he wanted to scream, he wanted to run around and scream so loudly. felix made him feel this way. he makes him feel so happy.

"you're my first boyfriend." felix says, poking his cheek. changbin raises his eyebrows in surpise, even though you can't see them since his bangs are long. "really?"

felix nodded, stretching out. changbin grabbed felix's hand after he touched his face, and held it gently. "you have small hands." he teased. felix whined and tried pulling his hand away. "i know! i know they're small.." changbin snorted.

"hyunjinnie would always tease me because his hands are so much bigger than mine." felix said without realizing. he then laughed to himself quietly when he remembered when hyunjin would hold his hand. there was a big difference between their hands. felix thought it was cute though.

the past week hes caught himself being able to control his emotions in front of changbin. hes tried so hard to not break down in front of him so much like he used to. it wasn't fair to changbin. he shouldn't put his personal problems onto changbin.

changbin didn't hate felix for not being able to control himself. he didn't mind it, but it just hurts him so much to know and see how much felix is suffering. 

it's obvious that felix is suffering. it's obvious that he is getting no sleep. it's obvious that he barely eats. it's obvious that he cries everyday. 

everything about felix is so obvious to changbin. he's like an open book to changbin, but he hasn't realized that. 

the only thing felix can realize right now is how tired changbin is. he's noticed that he's been yawning a few times every few minutes. 

"hey, do you want to go to sleep?" changbin shook his head and looked down at felix. "i'm not tired." he lied. felix scoffed, "you are! i see you yawning every second." changbin was very tired, but he didn't want to end their date night so quickly. he liked felix nearly sitting his lap and he liked the breeze and he liked the way the lights looked on felix's face.

"it's okay changbin, i had a great night. we can go to sleep now." he assured, staring up at him. changbin pursed his lips as he thought about going to sleep or not. after a few minutes, he finally gave in.

they went into changbin's room and felix laid in changbin's arms right when they got in bed. "goodnight felix." they shared a kiss before felix snuggled up in changbin's chest. "goodnight changbin." 

***

when changbin woke up the next day, felix was gone. his bag was gone too, so changbin assumed that felix left early. it made him a bit sad though, he wanted to wake up to felix in his arms and try to make him breakfast. 

he sighed and rolled over, noticing a note on his bedside table. 

by the time you wake up, i'll be gone. i just want to thank you for a great 3 days and an amazing date. i really needed to leave early and i hope you understand that. but i promise you did nothing wrong. i seriously had a really good time with you. thanks again for everything.  
-your boyfriend felix

changbin was biting his lip as he read the note. something in his gut was telling him that something was wrong. like felix said, he knew he didn't do anything wrong, but he felt like something was wrong with felix.

he didn't want to pry and upset him, so he decided to ignore his gut and go make breakfast. 

five hours earlier, felix woke up. it was around 5 am. it was still dark in changbin's room but it was there was little light outside. 

he woke up suddenly, his heart was racing and his eyes were wet. he was crying in his sleep. everyone of the few times felix gets sleep at night time, he always wakes up with his pillow and face covered in tears. 

it happens nearly every time. 

after he woke up he left changbin's house almost immediately. he wrote a note and kissed changbin's head before leaving. he didn't go to his house though, he went to the cemetery. the only time he'd really get sleep is when he'd go to the cemetery every morning. he never got nightmares and he never woke up sobbing when he slept next to hyunjin's grave. the times he'd sleep at night were the times he'd wake up crying. the times he'd sleep at night and wake up were crying were all because of dreams or nightmares about his best friend. every time.

in the nightmares would be the scene of hyunjin getting hit by a car like he did in real life. except felix didn't see the scene in real life. he only saw his bloody, dead body at the hospital. he still hasn't gotten the image out of his head. when he saw him, he threw up everything. 

he wish he didn't see hyunjin's body like that. it haunts him. to see his body in a horrible condition after being hit and practically ran over by a car is traumatizing. 

these dreams terrify him and traumatizes him and he can't really handle them. nobody knows about it though, not his family, not changbin, no one. the only person he told is hyunjin's soul beneath the dirt.

when he arrived at hyunjin's grave, he felt a familiar feeling of sadness and heartbreak creep up on him. he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"hi hyunjinnie...i'm so sorry that i didn't make it yesterday. i'm so sorry i promise you i didn't forget but i was with changbin and i couldn't come....not that he wasn't letting me go, but i didn't want to burden him. i'm sorry hyunjin.."

he fidgeted with the bead bracelet on his wrist. he felt horribly guilty for missing a day even though he knew hyunjin probably didn't, or wouldn't care. 

"um...i have something to tell you...." he took a deep breath before continuing, "i have a boyfriend now. remember changbin? yeah, that's him." 

felix knew that if hyunjin was still alive, he would tease him for days for finally getting a boyfriend. that's just how hyunjin was, he'd tease felix for getting crushes. well, he teased the 2 felix ever got. he never knew about his 3rd crush, though. of course he didn't, because that was himself.

did felix regret not telling hyunjin his feelings about him sooner? yes. he definitely regretted it. but he's too afraid of change. he didn't want anything to change between them. if felix ever told him his feelings, everything would have been different.

he wonders that if he did tell hyunjin, if he'd still be alive right now. that may be a bit of a reach, but it makes sense. if felix confessed, if hyunjin accepted it, if they dated..their lives would have been different. hyunjin wouldn't have crossed the road that day. 

the sun was now rising, but the sky was cloudy. there was a breeze and it made felix feel comfortable in a such sad situation. the short grass didn't move. he has a fidgeting habit, so he gently twisted the grass strands.

"you know...i have another thing to tell you." he swallowed hardly as he tried to hold back tears. he had no clue how hard this was going to be. "when you were still with me...we were best friends, remember that? well, a few months after your 14th birthday.. i kinda just... realized i was..." 

felix was almost choking from holding back his tears, his breaths. he couldn't get himself to say it. 

"i-i was in love with you." 

he took a sharp breath that hurt his lungs. he ignored the pain. it was like he got road burn in his throat. it was really painful.

"hyunjin i knew you didn't like me so i didn't tell you. since then up until..your death..i was in love with you..i tried getting over you. i really did. i tried to convince myself that i was over you and i told myself and others that i didn't like anyone. no matter how hard i tried..my feelings couldn't go away." as he stopped to take a breath, he started coughing roughly.

his eyes were watering as he coughed. his ears were ringing and he did feel tears fall down his face. he was starting to feel scared. is this hyunjin's response? is he trying to kill me? does he not accept my confession? were felix's thoughts.

he stopped coughing after around 17 seconds. after he wiped the tears out of his eyes and off his cheeks, his eyes focused on drops of red liquid on the grass. he reached to touch his lips, his fingers covered in a thick coat of blood. 

the sight of blood instantly made him gag, giving him flashbacks to seeing hyunjin's body. he felt his gut turning and burning acid traveling up his throat. he covered his mouth with his hands as he stood up and ran to any near by bushes.

felix couldn't hold it in any longer. he threw everything up. everything he's eaten in the past 48 hours, mixed with blood. he can't look at blood, every time it gives him flashbacks. he can't help it. he throws up at the images in his head. he wished he could control it.

the sour taste of vomit lingered on his tongue. it made his eyes water. after he could stand back up again, he said goodbye and i love you to hyunjin before leaving. he can't go to sleep right now. he can't face hyunjin's grave right now. he figured it was only best for him to go home.

***

5 days passed since changbin last saw felix.

he was hoping that felix would contact him the day he left, but all he got was an 'i'm ok.' from felix from that day. it made changbin sad, it made him worry. but he tried to keep himself to be a decent boyfriend and give felix some space.

again, changbin's gut was telling him that something was wrong. he wanted the feeling to go away because it was making him scared. what if felix is in trouble? he thought. sometimes he wished that he'd follow his gut. 

another 2 days passed without any contact from felix. now, changbin was freaking out. he spammed the youngers phone with texts, hoping to get an answer as soon as possible. 

the night of the 7th day, felix finally answered. he apologized for not answering, and said that his phone was turned off, forced by his father. and he said that he's gotten sick so he hasn't showed up to changbin's house.

which was a lie. felix wasn't sick. in fact, every morning he still went to see hyunjin. but he went earlier than usual. to avoid changbin.

why was he avoiding changbin? it's not like anything happened between them. no, everything between them was perfect. it was felix's fault. he was avoiding them to prevent him from hurting him.

felix has been feeling the worst he has felt ever since may. it just turned september, and hyunjin's 4 month anniversary was approaching. felix feels so weak, so tired, so sad. he did not feel nearly as bad in mid july though mid august, of course because those were spent with changbin. they met in early july.

months may, june, and half of august have so far been the worst of felix's life. none of it has to do with changbin, though. it's all felix and hyunjin. 

it's getting to the point where felix is beginning to realize everything. he's realizing that when school starts again, he won't be glued to hyunjin's side. he realizing that he won't be laughing with hyunjin in all their classes or lunch. he's realizing that he can't do partner projects with hyunjin.

he's realizing that he can't go to hyunjin when he's upset. he's realizing that he can't cry in hyunjin's arms after watching a documentary about animals. he's realizing that hyunjin won't be over at his house every afternoon. he's realizing that hyunjin won't be walking home with felix from school, holding hands.

he's realizing that hyunjin will never open his dm's. he's realizing hyunjin will never like the videos of dogs felix sent him last week. he's realizing hyunjin will never post on his instagram again. he's realizing that he will never see a notification from hyunjin on any social media app and get super excited to see that his best friend is awake at 4am.

he's realizing that his best friend of his whole life is laying lifeless 6 feet under the grave he visits everyday. it's never hit felix until now. the fact that the grave of his best friend was the grave he was visiting everyday never sunk in.

until now.

since he's realizing everything, since he's finally facing reality, he can't handle it. not one bit. not one sliver. there was too much to handle. even though it was only because of one problem, everything that hyunjin and felix would do with each other everyday was everything felix could never do again. not with hyunjin, at least.

but he doesn't want anyone other than hyunjin. he has changbin, but it's different. changbin is his boyfriend. hyunjin was his best friend. he loves both of them the same amount, even if the love is different. he would be lying if he didn't love hyunjin just a bit more.

felix was more than heartbroken. it feels as if his heart has been ripped out of his chest, stomped on, ripped to pieces, set on fire. it feels as if his stomach was ripped out. he couldn't eat. he couldn't function like a proper fucking human being.

he wishes he didn't have to suffer like this. 

he'd say he'd wish that he was the one who was hit and killed, so hyunjin would still be alive, but he wouldn't want hyunjin to suffer like he is right now. he wouldn't want hyunjin to feel so utterly negative like he is right now. not being able to enjoy things anymore. not being able to eat your favorite foods anymore, since they'd always eat it together.

either way, both of them would be suffering. there was no happy ending. hyunjin won't come back. felix can't bring him back. felix can't enjoy anything anymore. felix can't feel human.

changbin and felix still see and talk to each other. changbin noticed felix's behavior change. he knew it. but he didn't say anything.

although, he wish he did.

the night they hung out, ate pizza, watched movies, had a pillow fight, talked, kissed, cuddled, everything they'd usually do, was the last night changbin heard from felix in two days. felix left that night hugging changbin tight. they shared a deep kiss. changbin told felix that he loved him.

the look on felix's face was priceless. it was like a mother seeing her newborn baby for the first time. he felt so happy, so loved in that moment. he told changbin he loved him too. they shared another deep, passionate kiss before hugging tightly. felix didn't want to leave. 

after 10 more minutes felix left.

changbin passed out on the couch, exhausted from the amazing day. his room was trashed because of how much fun the two had, but he decided to clean it the next day after he wakes up.

he ended up procrastinating until the next day. he did text felix though, a few times, but got no response. he slept on the couch again, avoiding his messy room.

these days felix has gotten his phone taken away a lot by his father. it always happened out of the blue, without a warning to changbin, so since he never got a response that day, he assumed that happened.

when he woke up the second day, he showered. then he made breakfast. it's been two hours since he woke up. he was feeling very lazy, as usual, but he ended up cleaning his room anyways.

he cleaned his room up, picking up countless amounts of feathers from pillows. he cleaned his bedding and bed sheets, and washed his clothes. every time he goes to clean his clothes, he looks through the pockets of every pant, of every hoodie.

last time he did his laundry he forgot to do it. but this time, he remembered. he never gets anything out of the pockets, yet he does it anyways to be safe.

he looked through the last of his clothes, stopping at his favorite hoodie. he checked the pocket, and surprisingly, there was something in it.

he dropped his black hoodie into the washer, holding onto the folded piece of paper tightly. he didn't think much of it, probably a receipt, but he still wanted to make sure it wasn't anything important.

when he got back into his bedroom, he laid on his bed and unfolded the paper. changbin never would imagine feeling as sick as he did in that moment. 

i don't even know how to start this off. i can't start it off positively, how could i...there's none left for that...all i can really say is.. i'm sorry. changbin, i love you so much. i'm so glad i've met you and i'm so glad that you didn't kill me for stealing your flowers. thank you for giving me a chance. thank you for becoming my friend. thank you for understanding. thank you for loving me....with you, i felt very loved. i felt safe. i felt happy, i wasn't anywhere near happy when we first met. but, when he went on that first date, in your backyard, i knew it would get better. i knew i was getting happier. changbin, you made me grow. you made me happy and i was climbing so far with you. the things we did together, somethings i can't even mention on a piece of paper, made me happy. made me feel human. all over again. i thought i had lost everything before i met you. and i still did, until you reassured me that i had you. that we had each other. spending the last few months with you has been amazing. the things we did together, the hugs, the cuddles, the huge amount of kisses we shared, even making out...it was all amazing. i've enjoyed every single second with you. even at my bad times. because i knew that it would get better since i had you by my side. sadly i don't feel that way anymore. i've lost my faith in everything. i've lost my happiness in everything. i can only spark up my happiness when i'm with you, and that doesn't last until i leave. and i can't be with you every second of everyday. i needed to find more things that make me happy. but i can't. everything has been ripped away from me. i don't know if you can, or will understand. you're all i have left. my only source of happiness. it sounds selfish to say that it's not enough, that you can't be my only source of happiness. it's not good for neither me nor you. i can't rely on you for everything. and i can't find anything else. changbin, i am so unhappy. i am so fucking depressed, i don't sleep or eat. i'm a living zombie. i can't continue like this. neither can you. you don't deserve to feel pressured to be responsible of me and being responsible to make me happy. this is getting too long... i hope you understand that i love you. i love you more than beyond words. to the moon in back. i love you more than the amount of stars in every single galaxy. i couldn't have made it this far without you. thank you for making me laugh, smile. thank you for comforting me when i cry. thank you for making me feel like i was the most beautiful boy on the planet. thank you for making me feel amazing. thank you for making me forget about the bad things in my life. thank you for making such amazing fucking happy and cute memories with me. i will remember these forever. i hope you do too. did i ever tell you i love you? i do...so fucking much...oh, make sure to bring our flower in a pot inside. don't let it die in the autumn. just, thank you again for giving me the best time in a fucking while. i will always love you changbin. i cherish everything about you. every little thing. i cherish every word you've said to me, every time we've shared a kiss. innocent or not. i cherish everything. we've been through a lot in just a few months, but just..thank you. thank you thank you thank you. i love you......i'm so sorry. i'm so fucking sorry. please keep your garden well!! make sure to keep your plants and flowers beautiful and alive for the autumn and winter. i've always loved your flowers. they we're the prettiest i've ever seen. it's time to go, time for dinner. i need to go. changbin, please don't forget any of our memories...but please don't let them prevent you from making new ones...please..... i love you so much, changbinnie.. more than you could ever imagine, more than you thought i did. please, don't forget me. i love you.

-love, flower thief.


End file.
